As I said in the beginning, the reason I made this thread was to vent and to make my thought process cleared. But this is the true message, the true statement on what I am trying to make. I am conniving, tempted, evil, manipulative and power-hungry. I admit to this, after so long and after so many betrayals, adaptations, exemptions, acceptances and defiances, I admit to what I am. I am also a charismatic, wannabe leader, chaotic, caring person. Every single person I talk to on a daily basis, I feel some sort of attribute or emotion towards. Some make me happy, sad, annoyed and let's be honest, 90% of the time angry. That's what carried me along for such a long time, such a long, emotional, deviating stride on the server. My anger, my want to continue and to achieve more and surpass all of the people that told me I was garbage. However, now that I realize it. That's such a horrible way to continue on, such a pathetic way to keep myself stable. So I will have the goal to change what I do, to not be conniving or evil anymore. I'm tired of betrayal, I am tired of being thought of as the bad guy. And I know that it will never change, not after my history. However, I want to be just like Croc. To be liked, loved even, accepted by everyone and to be the wise, caring, amazing person I had know for such a long time. So I want to change my character, who I am. We will see if I can pull off what I once did, I hope I can change myself for the better.
However, before I finish this off I have one more message. Something I have tried so hard to make clear for a very, very long time. Something that makes me sad to the core when I am called such. A liar. Call me manipulative, conniving and power-hungry. However the last thing I am, is a liar. I don't make up facts to get people in trouble, I don't lie to someone's face to help me do something, I don't get people in trouble to avoid myself getting in it. From the beginning of my history, I was never a liar. I have a code of personal ethics, one of the most prevalent being that I won't do anything to you if you don't do it to me. I retaliate, I don't sit on my ass and do nothing. I have always been this way, I hate being used like a tool. I despise the idea even, but all the same the point still stands. However, if you really feel that I am lying by saying these things. I am deceiving you all into thinking that I am some kind of saint, then I oblige you. Tell me a time where I lied to you, tell me a time when I truly deceived you. I've realized that I can't ask for proof, that sounds as pathetic as me asking for a photo of Jesus. Tell me the times when I betrayed you, broke you down or did something to you. And you have my word, I won't do it again.
If you have read this entire story, my entire tangent. I thank you, I thank you for the time and you have my condolences. I am more than happy to talk about my history with people, my aspirations and what I want. However, I don't expect people to want to listen to me. I have too much to say, and it is hard to really not put my personality into my story. I am happy to finally explain my history in a open place, where everyone can see and comment. To vent and to make what I have done clear. To apologize to those who needed it, and to those who won't. However I will make a list of everyone I can think of that I am sorry for ever betraying, manipulating or downright using to get what I want. Or maybe just a way of shouting out everyone I truly enjoy on this server. And if I forget any names, you can just tell me in the comments and I would put you in immediately. I am still adding in names most likely, so don't be too surprised if you don't see your name.
-Croc (Once again, sorry Pal.)
-Moxxi
-Dwayne
-Cause
-Caitlyn
-Shepard
-Miles (#Civ-5Buddy)
-Audio
-Chilly
-Vargas
-Sauron
-Premium
-Arorous
-Oil
-Vethar
-Crimson
-Amun
-Zaros
-John
-Phaze (Even people who hate me deserve a shout-out!)
-Pallox
-Jump
-Addenn
-Robinson
-Papi
-Savage (R.i.p my Friend.)
-Charger (P e n a l c o l o n y )
-Archer
-Zozo (Eros is a trap)
-Bones
-JPN
-Jax
-Estrella
-Alaska
-Scary
-Vickolas
-Tombstone
-Spectre
-Crack (I miss you Pal)
-Kice
-Porrith
-Dragon
-Jacob
-Faerie
-Tupac
-Midas
-Shade Tano
-Firehawk
-Arata
-Dredd
-Anzati
-Redicule
-Okeas
-Veon
(Many, many, many more names to come.)
For everyone on this list, one way or another, wether you hate me or like me. You played a role in my history, in my time here on the server. And even though I am not leaving, like some may hope for and some may despise, I thank you all for atleast taking part in the long history that I take pride in. Even the bad parts. Also, don't forget to read my other two parts first!
